I had a friend ask me some questions about how I dealt with things emotionally. One question was if I I hated God. Yes, I hated God at times through out the whole year. I was very angry at God. I wanted to know why us and why now. Those questions were not answered and they have not been answered. I feel they will be answered at some point. I just have the accept that for now and I also have to let Jesus take the wheel of my life.
Question two was did I think that heaven was closed to my prayers. In the beginning I felt that God was not listening and just letting this happen. I would pray everyday and everyday I would watch Mike grow weaker. I learned the sometimes God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Did I want Mike to have this horrible disease and die? Did I want him to suffer the way he did. No, I did not want all that for Mike but God has a plan for everyone, and everyone has a cross he or she must bear. I discovered this through the help of my church, the church I grew up in, my family, friends, and my therapist. They helped me understand that we will not always get the answers we want or we just might get no answer at all.
Last question was how did I get past no answers. It took a lot to get past the fact I was not getting answers to my questions. I got past the unanswered questions with the help of my support system(mentioned above) and I continued to pray even though my questions were never answered. I also read the Bible to help understand things.
Do I still have questions? Yes, I still have a lot of questions but I am okay with not knowing the answers. I may never know the answers. I will have to until I get to heaven for things to be clear to me
Going through all this I learned it is okay to be angry and question God. He is a patient God and understands.
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